Bengal and Matriarchy: Views of a Kolkata girl

Being a Bengali woman I have often being told or asked if Bengal is a matriarchal state. The answer is no, it is not. A Matriarchy is a social system in which the women hold primary power, predominate in roles of political leadership, moral authority, social privilege, and control property at the specific exclusion of men at least to a large degree.

This perception about Bengal is widely prevalent in India because Bengali women are generally forward, forthcoming and let's face it, dominating. There are very good reasons why they are that way and this is not me trying to justify a behavior. And based on my life experiences from the first 20 years of my life in Kolkata, which may not be representative of all of West Bengal, I shall summarize them below for the edification of the masses.

In an average literate Bengali household there is not much discrimination between girls and boys, not at birth and not beyond. All the facts below relate to the same broad group.

1. The boy:girl ratio in Bengal is normal which is an indication of low female foeticide. Broadly translated it means that in an average Bengali household, people are as happy to be blessed with a girl child as a boy. Wikipedia.

2. Most households will try and provide the same education and even higher education to a boy and girl.

3. Dowry is less prevalent in 'middle and upper' class Bengali families compared to several other parts in India. The cost of a marriage ceremony is split between the groom and the bride's family with each hosting one of the two primary wedding related functions.

4. Women in Kolkata often travel alone, late in the evening and night and mostly use public transit. Women sit in the front of autos which would be rather uncommon, in say, Hyderabad or Chennai etc. Eve teasing is a problem but nothing like Delhi proportions.

5. There is no urgency for girls to get married. It is mostly acceptable for a girl to finish her studies, often get a job and then get married.

6. There is decent focus on intellect and qualification for a woman as against than beauty hence there is less stress on a young woman in Bengal to doll up and look pretty to impress.

7. There is generally less use of make-up and accessories compared to Delhi or Mumbai. In a lot of literary circles in Bengal being dressed up involves stark colors, cotton clothes and bags, glasses as against contact lenses, khadi slip ons. Added bonus for short cropped hair, large bindis and books for accessories that create a look of power and intellect and less of feminity.

8. Most women are well versed in some form of art- poetry and music being most common. Literature is a prized accessory for most bengalis. They love showing off their literary wealth rather than their monetary wealth. Hence there are more Bengali women online and offline, writing blogs, voicing their opinion in public, rousing the masses and engaging in political or social debates.

9. The Kolkata I grew up in was not an easy place to be. It's crowded (not just with bengalis but immigrants, many from within India- Rajasthan, Bihar primarily and Nepal and Bangladesh), it's super hot and sweaty and generally poor. It teaches you to be tough and resilient ( did I mention the street food that is so cheap and delicious yet unhealthy that your immunity grows rock solid) and prepares you for life's potential hardships.

10. Parents show no mercy to the girl child when it comes to expectations. They are expected to be smart, to work, be independent and be reliable just as the boy child or sometimes even more. You will often hear people say aloud and unabashed that they have more hope and expectations from their girl child than boy just because they are psychologically stronger.

As a result of all this socio-cultural influences bengali women are gutsy and opinionated. They have been encouraged to take responsibility and take a stance and they do so with confidence. Mamata Bannerjee is a great example of simplicity and confidence if not of many other things. While a lot of women in Bengal may hate to be associated with it, her style is considered quintessential to women of Bengal.

However the forwardness, the confidence, the combativeness does not mean the society is matriarchal. It just means that the society and specially it's men treat the girl child no different from the boy child. Culturally and socially, the woman is still expected to give up her maiden name and adopt her husband's family name at marriage. She still goes into the husband's household and may stay with his parents or family and not the other way around. Kids take their fathers name and carry forward the same and not that of the mother. Individually one may choose to be otherwise.