Obsessive Parenting

As parents, specially to small kids, you are likely one of two things, obsessed or not. Both have their merits and de-merits, so either way, you don't get to gloat!

15 signs you are an obsessive parent

1. You rush to your child the moment they stumble and take a fall
2. You call your child one of the following, all the time- mera raja, mere laal, my princess, my prince or the likes.
3. You carry a hand sanitizer around your child all the time and use it multiple times each hour you are out.
4. You think your child may starve to death if they skipped two meals in a row or may have piles if they went a day without pooping.
5. You have at least 7 questions each time you meet the pediatrician and don't like one who is any-less-than-over-friendly and charming. OR You changed over 5 pediatricians in the first year of your child's life because they were mean or uncaring or under-qualified or inefficient.
6. You are careful about who the other children are that your child mingles with. You are secretly particular about their parents' social standing, educational background and perceived values.
7. You think your child cannot survive without you ((except when they are in a school)- that they cant be left with grand parents or other willing friends and family. You replace your separation anxiety with your need to believe that no one can be a substitute care-giver and you think your partner is not good enough with the child.
8. You cook special meals for the child apart from the regular home cooking you do.
9. You carry over 5 pieces of additional clothing [warm clothes, shoes, diapers, wet wipes] etc each time you step out of the house with the child.
10. You panic if you child catches a cold. You don't wait it out but insist on seeing the doctor asap.
11. You breastfed your child beyond 1.5 years, even though it was exhausting and hurtful for you because you either believed it was great for their immunity or their intelligence.
12. You often do your child's homework for them because you care deeply about it to be the best in class OR You cannot have the child miss school for play OR take personal responsibility for his grades occasionally slipping
13. You feel the need to interfere every time the child is having an argument with his/her friends at the playground or otherwise.
14. You judge or criticize other parents for being lousy and too self/career focussed.
15. You hate this article and the writer :D

Ok, dont panic! May be I am being too critical. As parents you are allowed some amount of parental-hormonal-obsessiveness (now that could become a real term, someday!) that comes with the territory. However, if you so much as display 5 or more of the characteristics listed above, you have a fixation and could do with some help :)

You are thinking-  what if I am obsessive? What's so wrong?
You could always argue it's your choice and you are not bothering anyone else. And you would be right. Except for one small thing. You are probably doing your child some harm. With you over-parenting and being so vulnerable and over anxious and prone to paranoia, you are passing on some of the same traits to your child- he is likely to grow up being slightly spoilt, demanding, easily upset with life's small and large setbacks and petulant. He will find it difficult to accept responsibility for his actions since he did not have that training to start with. He will not have the power of independent thinking and sooner or later will regret your over-involved and protective nature that stemmed off hyper-parenting. He will also likely have impractical expectations of a partner (since he's used to over-caring) and will find most people un-reciprocating.

From what I have read and seen, the opposite of obsession is not necessarily careless-parenting or poor-parenting. Balanced parenting would be a situation where you make your child feel well loved and secure and let the child explore and learn wherever possible. You encourage independence and value innovation over success and experience over excellence. And where you appreciate diversity and expose your child to it often. You tell them when they make obvious wrong choices but support them anyway and stand by as they suffer consequences and help them move on. Poetically speaking, right parenting would involve you letting your child run out into the dark cold night when he chooses but have the door open for him when he returns for warmth, wizened and grateful.

*The degree of support needed by a child would vary from child to child. If your child has special needs, this article does not apply to you and more power to you for being the world's best parent!

**All views expressed herein are my own and is not meant to offend anyone.
*** This is not a science or psychology article. If you need more pointers, search online and you will find lot of helpful data on the topic.