Children, the idiot box and your helplessness...

As a parent in the era of information technology, you will constantly find yourself hearing and reading how and why it is important to keep your little one from getting addicted to electronic media, namely the TV, the phone, the tablet, laptop etc. And despite your best efforts, as a working parent or stay-at-home-parent and all other conditions notwithstanding, you will find yourself in this battle against fate, where you lose ground inch-by-inch to this vast allure of the shiny rectangle for the kid.

They will be drawn to it like moths to a flame and you will at times secretly think its a great blessing and your only way to keep them engrossed while you snatch a few precious units of personal time or work time. You will see that nothing else has the ability to hold the child's attention for as long as these, nothing else is as cost and energy efficient and low on the destruction scale. A kid can go hours engrossed in watching a favorite cartoon or playing a repetitive and absolute silly annoying game. And, God alone knows, you need that few minutes to grab a shower, or quickly whisk dinner, or send that last email or order off that little something you've only had time to eye for days as it pops menacingly alongside your FB timeline.

You've tried many toys to hold his attention but they work for such a little while that the results just did not justify the cost! If not the ipad, or phone or TV you'll have to constantly guard for things being flung and shattered, furnishings being ruined and furnitures being painted across or scratched.

You know it would be lovely to read to the child, but - Where is the time!! I know, I feel you... Really!

However, there are a few types of toys I have personally found to be more engaging than others for a toddler, that is both constructive and convenient - I want to share a little about them. Next time you want to buy a birthday gift or special something for your child, try these! It might just be the largest gift you gave yourself :)


1. Play Doh

Widely available in different colors and with multiple types of moulds, kids love them as they can bend, break, shape and reshape the clay with their tiny fingers attempting to mimic real world objects. You will be surprised how much of what they observe around them, they can mould with their dough. There are youtube videos that demonstrate how to make interesting structures with dough - which sometimes may not be a bad watch for kids to learn creative ways to engage with the dough in their hand!

Couple of concerns with Play Doh are

a) Can dry up when left outside and after a while you might find it pricey to buy more and more.

Workaround: Kids enjoy playing with wheat dough just as much. Give them some of the clumpy sticky stuff and see their curiosity peek! They'll ask you every time you knead some for making bread :). You can also make proper play doh if you are handy in the kitchen- here's how

b) If your kid is still at the stage where they tend to put things in their mouth you can't trust them with this.

Workaround: Wheat dough should be fine for them, IMO.

c) If you have a carpeted house, when dough dries up it can get stuck in small balls or clumps into carpet threads and is a pain to remove.

Workaround: You can always train the child to stick to a specific play area or play-mat. Or you could potentially have really good carpet cleaning material.

Nothing that you cannot manage, no? And just in case you are not convinced check this out.

2. Lego

An absolute must introduce IMO at around age 2 . Comes in all sizes, from jumbo blocks, to mega blocks (I'd go and buy the set with the maximum number of pieces that is most economical) to smaller regular sized legos, which can be introduced around age 3. At first, you'll have to play with the child, show him what legos are capable of and once he picks a fancy for it, he'll go hours without bothering you...

In the regular size variety, instead of picking a set with a theme (that limits your creation options to fewer blocks and some very specific nifty shapes), I would go with something like this that has many regular pieces and unlimited possibilities for the creator.

The benefits of introducing lego are manyfold, from developing fine motor skills not just limited to  hand-eye coordination to providing an opportunity for the child to be creative and developing better communication skills. It also teaches them social acceptance of sort and is suggested to make them smarter. Ahem, now you are hooked :D. Read this for more information on the topic.

3. Magnetic Tiles

As your child grows a little bigger, bring them magnetic tiles.- an absolute wondrous toy. I cannot describe how engaging this is, replete with interesting geometric shapes and colors and the absolute joy of laying hands for the first time on powerful magnets.

Just to make an additional push for this, lemme tell you our personal story. We got this toy for our daughter's 3rd birthday. From her birthday party, she's gotten another 15ish different toys but she's yet to touch any of them! She is absolutely engrossed in making boxes and cones and hexagons and pizas and more. And when she finally is too tired to play and goes to sleep, my husband and I get started with these tiles pushing the boundaries of each other's creative possibilities building rockets and what not :). This toy is significantly expensive but take my word, it is worth it.

Also note: Magna Tiles are the most common brand but Picasso Tiles are much cheaper and just as good (with strong magnets). When I was researching this toy, I also learnt from the experiences of others that the larger the set, the better it is, so go for the 100 or more pieces set (pricey but economical) or else you will soon end up buying another set :) Amazon has hundreds of reviews to read and learn from and make an informed choice.

That's all folks! Sorry if I just created a big hole (of possibilities) in your pocket. Spread out your purchases but do consider. And if you find them as awesome as I did, please let me know here- I'd love to hear! All these toys as you would have noted foster imagination and creativity, help develop cooperative play, communication and other social skills, fine tune children's motor skills, teach them patience and sometimes calculation (math!) skill, and also help build confidence and self-esteem (there is no wrong with how you shape your dough or build your block structure!)!

Oh India! The country of unlimited potential and.... of home-grown skeptics

There are things we all know and read about India and then there are things that you can only internalize as you ruminate about - India's ability to rapidly progress and transform itself into a nation to watch out for in single rapid master strokes such as the magic of democracy displayed in the 2014 general elections, the poetic pathos-clad day-to-day strife of millions of daily wage earners alongside the fairy-tale richness of the Indian billionaires and the unbelievable success stories of these Indians with their humble beginnings and meritocratic rise to positions of massive influence through individual merit!

Hence, without doubt, this is a country and a superpower that needs reckoning. And it feels like the entire world has understood that except the 1.2 billion people strong country being discussed and its people. If you've spent time talking to Indians in India or settled abroad, one thing that you will constantly note is their lack of appreciation for what the country has achieved and a brooding and often foreboding attitude of complaint. Yes, there are a thousand things that are broken and needs fixing, but does that mean you give up hope and turn a blind eye to what we have achieved to date or stop celebrating success when we come by it? Not to forget the staggering population and geographical + cultural diversity across the nation that makes doing anything a challenge of meteoric proportions. If you are one of those people who took the first opportunity out of the country in search of greener pastures, more power to yes, but, you escapist should definitely not complain unless you have found a way to give back to your country towards solving its many problems.

Patriotism or love for thy country should be akin to love for thy children where you are more loving than demanding, more forgiving and accepting than vengeant and where you take responsibility for what is and will be and don't treat it like another man's problem. And to do that you need not necessarily join hands with a political party or do something revolutionary. You can play your own part in your day-to-day life and still move some metric in a way that is up and right. For example:

• If you are on entrepreneur in India, you my friend are doing your country some good! Related link 
• If you contribute in any way to women empowerment or women's wealth acquisition, I salute you. Worth watching
• If your wife is a working woman and you are an equal partner helping her juggle work and home priorities, more power to you! Interesting read
• If you take your voting rights seriously, you are already contributing!
• If you do what it takes to avoid bribing, you are a hero! Read
• If you are contributing in any way to advancing someone's education- way to go! Read this story to get inspired

These are just some examples among the plentiful options! You can do your small bit, within the comfort of your limited means and contribute to the nudging the country forward and make a difference to its hope of justice, liberty, equality and fraternity in large measures. But, you need to quit complaining first.

Jai hind!

Obsessive Parenting

As parents, specially to small kids, you are likely one of two things, obsessed or not. Both have their merits and de-merits, so either way, you don't get to gloat!

15 signs you are an obsessive parent

1. You rush to your child the moment they stumble and take a fall
2. You call your child one of the following, all the time- mera raja, mere laal, my princess, my prince or the likes.
3. You carry a hand sanitizer around your child all the time and use it multiple times each hour you are out.
4. You think your child may starve to death if they skipped two meals in a row or may have piles if they went a day without pooping.
5. You have at least 7 questions each time you meet the pediatrician and don't like one who is any-less-than-over-friendly and charming. OR You changed over 5 pediatricians in the first year of your child's life because they were mean or uncaring or under-qualified or inefficient.
6. You are careful about who the other children are that your child mingles with. You are secretly particular about their parents' social standing, educational background and perceived values.
7. You think your child cannot survive without you ((except when they are in a school)- that they cant be left with grand parents or other willing friends and family. You replace your separation anxiety with your need to believe that no one can be a substitute care-giver and you think your partner is not good enough with the child.
8. You cook special meals for the child apart from the regular home cooking you do.
9. You carry over 5 pieces of additional clothing [warm clothes, shoes, diapers, wet wipes] etc each time you step out of the house with the child.
10. You panic if you child catches a cold. You don't wait it out but insist on seeing the doctor asap.
11. You breastfed your child beyond 1.5 years, even though it was exhausting and hurtful for you because you either believed it was great for their immunity or their intelligence.
12. You often do your child's homework for them because you care deeply about it to be the best in class OR You cannot have the child miss school for play OR take personal responsibility for his grades occasionally slipping
13. You feel the need to interfere every time the child is having an argument with his/her friends at the playground or otherwise.
14. You judge or criticize other parents for being lousy and too self/career focussed.
15. You hate this article and the writer :D

Ok, dont panic! May be I am being too critical. As parents you are allowed some amount of parental-hormonal-obsessiveness (now that could become a real term, someday!) that comes with the territory. However, if you so much as display 5 or more of the characteristics listed above, you have a fixation and could do with some help :)

You are thinking-  what if I am obsessive? What's so wrong?
You could always argue it's your choice and you are not bothering anyone else. And you would be right. Except for one small thing. You are probably doing your child some harm. With you over-parenting and being so vulnerable and over anxious and prone to paranoia, you are passing on some of the same traits to your child- he is likely to grow up being slightly spoilt, demanding, easily upset with life's small and large setbacks and petulant. He will find it difficult to accept responsibility for his actions since he did not have that training to start with. He will not have the power of independent thinking and sooner or later will regret your over-involved and protective nature that stemmed off hyper-parenting. He will also likely have impractical expectations of a partner (since he's used to over-caring) and will find most people un-reciprocating.

From what I have read and seen, the opposite of obsession is not necessarily careless-parenting or poor-parenting. Balanced parenting would be a situation where you make your child feel well loved and secure and let the child explore and learn wherever possible. You encourage independence and value innovation over success and experience over excellence. And where you appreciate diversity and expose your child to it often. You tell them when they make obvious wrong choices but support them anyway and stand by as they suffer consequences and help them move on. Poetically speaking, right parenting would involve you letting your child run out into the dark cold night when he chooses but have the door open for him when he returns for warmth, wizened and grateful.

*The degree of support needed by a child would vary from child to child. If your child has special needs, this article does not apply to you and more power to you for being the world's best parent!

**All views expressed herein are my own and is not meant to offend anyone.
*** This is not a science or psychology article. If you need more pointers, search online and you will find lot of helpful data on the topic.

Budapest- George Ezra

There will be many songs that will touch you deeply, but there will be one which will stay in your heart forever!

This is such a song. No complicated lyrics, no serious thought but just the bass-baritone voice of the young singer, and the compelling melody... I could not agree with Wikipedia more when it says, "a voice beyond his years", with "a soulful, wizened tone that somehow would feel more at home coming from anAlabama shrimp boat captain than a 21-year-old Bristolian."


On a related note, my husband and I agree that one of our best finds in the US in the last 6 months has been Country Music- thanks to Nash FM on the in-car radio, the blues are here to stay in our lives... and now, without further ado, here's presenting- George Ezra: Budapest

Tabula Rasa - lean into your senses...

Tabula Rasa, Latin for blank slate is the concept that speaks of how people are born without any built in knowledge and how as we grow, the mind builds itself with experiences and perceptions.

I could not have understood this better, if not for witnessing my infant daughter grow to a toddler, replete with exciting day-to-day activities and anecdotes. Here are some

She takes a piece of paper, folds it to 90 degree angle and exclaims, 'Mama, chee, chair!! You want to sit?'

Then another time she asked me for some aata (wheat flour) while I was kneading the dough. Once she had it, she rolls it in a roundish mound, balances it over the marker cap she was playing with and says- hey, Mama, chee mushwoom (mushroom)!' That was clever I thought and wondered where she knew about mushrooms from. I cook it all the time, but never as a whole, so how did she know how it looks? More importantly though, I was intrigues by her handicraft...

Then while we waited at the theatre the other day for the movie to start (the first movie with her in tow) she was playing with a coin and her hair clip. At some point she pops open the clip, holds the coin in it and turns to her dad, to say, 'Pappa, look, pedestal fan!' (she's just learnt about these from our recent use of one at home). That same day earlier, she had also stuck that coin to her forehead and remembered her granny who wears large bindis!

This imaginative correlation is not unique to my daughter (for sure!). I remember how my little cousin Aayushi, as a toddler, would pick up the large Johnson's powder dabba, fling it over her shoulder and ask around if anyone needed a 'celinder' (referring to the LPG cylinder, used for cooking)!

All of this makes me wonder why I can't catch these similarities, make these assumptions, see this pattern in the world around us! And that reminds me how I am 30 years fooler for all the textbook education and the classroom learning i went through! :( I wish I had the gumption to encourage my daughter to learn only from the sights and sounds around us and build on her creativity and imagination! That would make us more perceptive and more human and put us in deeper touch with our inner senses and the feelings of those around us :)

But alas, I am not brave enough!